I am a Mother

I've had some time to reflect on the past year and all the changes it has brought.  In 2014 I was seriously struggling with being a mother.  It was entering the battlefield each morning to referee two small children, their quarrels, and fits...and then to make dinner (I mean, after everything in a day I just can't believe then I have to make dinner! Hah!)  So much so that my sweet Perris suggested I get a job outside of the home.  This suggestion, in all its innocence, only further confirmed I was doing a terrible job.  In my mind, at least!  It was extremely difficult for me and I deeply questioned my desire/ability to bring more children to our family.  I'd often say to Perris, "This might be it.  I don't know if I can have anymore children!"
The only thing that kept me going was the peace I felt as I sought guidance and repose from my Heavenly Father.  I did feel those things, even amidst all the challenge.  Slowly, the months passed, and I felt the Spirit very, very gently start teaching me and preparing me to have another child.  Little insights here, bright thoughts there, sweet moments experienced...  I recognized that slowly, and with subtleness, I was being prepared.  It makes me emotional to think of how tenderly and gently Heavenly Father guided me.  He helped take my fearful and anxious heart to steady clarity.  How grateful I am for that relationship--unlike any other in understanding my heart!  And isn't that my greatest desire; for someone to understand my heart!
Then the time came and I was ready to try.  I was walking into the dark, willing to follow the path, though the uncertainty of what lay ahead was daunting.  Once I realized I was pregnant, I still felt unsure of my abilities to handle this, but what's done was done and it was time to embrace and move forward!
Finding out it was my twins was really joyful.  I joke that heaven said, "Quick, she's losing her cool, we'd better send her two before we completely lose her!"  But really.  And I never looked back after that.  My biggest concerns were how to tell identical twins apart, how to take care of all 4 children at once, and how to make dinner with all children at home (seriously, dinner is a daily struggle, i guess!).  I wrote all of these concerns down through pregnancy, and as I re-read them in the past month I have realized I'm doing just fine.  I make dinner.  I take care of all 4.  We never leave the house, except for preschool drop-off (and bless the dear friends who pick up Wade and bring him home every.single.day. Tender mercy, seriously.), but we'll get there.  All the more fun to go out together when Perris is home and make people ask themselves "Are all those kids really theirs?"  We didn't need to buy a zoo, we are the zoo!
I sincerely share this to declare that I know Heavenly Father led me exactly the way I needed to be led.  I am willing to follow Him and His plan for me.  Still walking into the dark, not quite sure what else is in store for me and my family, but He's holding my hand and reassuring me through the path.