Birth of WR

This is a rather long version, but it's what I wrote for my journal. For those interested in details!

Thursday morning, May 19, 2011.

"Hmm maybe I'll have my baby today." This was the daily comment since May began...but this day I said it as I curled my hair. Trying to carry on as normal and not burst into tears that I haven't had the baby yet. It is a strange thing to be waiting for something for so long and know logically it is going to happen very soon, but still your emotions and mind are so affected by it NOT happening that you start to get upset and need reassurance and faith. Seems silly now, but man there were some hard moments!

Mom is here and we are getting ready for the midwife appointment at 41 weeks, 4 days. They are starting to get worried and don't want me to pass 42 weeks. I am starting to go crazy and don't want to pass another day! Well, they suggested at 40 weeks I might be a week behind, since my cycles are usually at least 35 days. So really, I was only 4 days "over" if that was the case. Midwife checked me and said I was 90% and 2 cm. They convinced me to do a Non-stress test to check Wade's heart rate, and an ultrasound to check his size and fluid amount. Ultrasound was fine, midwife was worried about Wade's heart rate. She called it "variable ________" His heart rate would be fine and then drop really low and stay that way for too long before it came back up again. She asked us to go to the hospital for another hour of monitoring to see if it was consistant. "You may have a baby today" were her words...sending me into a flurry of emotions, all mixed. Did I want to have a baby today? Heck yes, I am so ready to start this. Did I want to have a baby the way they wanted me to? No. Absolutely not.

The hour of monitoring happens and midwife enters. She looks at me with concerned and caring eyes and tells me it would be extremely important to have the baby today. The concern was too great about his heart monitoring to have him go longer. Perris and I talk and decide if she believes this is a most valid concern, then we should do it. At this point I got a little nervous and excited...then Jen (midwife) comes back in to talk about what induction looks like, knowing I am prepared for a natural birth. Pitocin at a low dose, steadily increasing was the beginning. Then she comes back in 5 minutes to talk about breaking my water. Breaking my water? Why? They wanted to insert an interuterine monitor to have a more accurate reading of what was happening to Wade's heart rate when I had a contraction. She explains and leaves the room and I start to cry. Everything that I didn't want to have to do, apparently was what we needed to do. She comes back in and looks me straight in the eyes and says, "I can tell you've been crying, tell me what you're feeling." So the tears immediately flow and I explain my feelings. She was really sweet and reassured me that she wanted to help me have the birth as close as possible to what Perris and I had planned.

So we begin. It is about 5 or 6 pm about this point. I am moved into beloved room #7 because that is the tub room that natural mom's like to use (which I was never able to use because they wanted to keep Wade's heart on the monitors, darn). I start to feel contractions and easily concentrate and relax through them. Perris leaves to go get our stuff, and returns after a while. Lyndsey comes and she, Mom, and Perris spend a few hours reading. The contractions start getting more intense and I struggle to find a comfortable position. Jen and Perris helped me by applying counter pressure on my back, which was relieving although nothing was really comfortable. Contractions now were probably 3 minutes apart, if not a bit closer. Around 9pm things really start to pick up and I decide to lay on my side. I remember feeling calm and quiet, but struggling to really relax through these because I felt deeply breathing in during a contraction amplified the sharp pain. Oh well I had to do it anyway! In my mind I never said "I can't do this" because before that could come out my mind would say "You have to do this! This is the only way!" So "I can't" was never an option! Perris was over near me now instead of reading and would wipe my arms and face with a wash cloth or just talk to me through contractions. At some point they switched my nurses and a woman named Earl came in. Yes, Earl. Jen came in and said "we have a new nurse for you, this is Earl." I popped my head up because I thought "Earl? Is this a man?" I layed back down and heard her explain her name was Earlene...she is a hypnobirthing instructor, which is a bit different than what i studied, but all the same she helped talk me through this hard time and put pressure on my feet to try and help me focus on that and on my breathing. She was awesome.

This whole time it just felt better to have my eyes closed. Plus this was hard work! I needed to focus and eyes opened was just too much. I remember when things started going faster...when I couldn't stay silent during contractions anymore. I started to grunt, or make noises that don't have a word to go with them :) I shouted out, "it feels like I'm pushing." I didn't feel pushy, it was my uterus that was pushing HARD. The nurses heard me and said "Just grunt like a bear. From your chest!" So grunt I DID. I remember thinking "pepole in the hall can probably hear me!" The rest feels like a rush to me...I remember hearing Earl say "I'll call Jen" who had to go to the other hospital to see a patient there. The intensity continued from here on out. Once Jen got there they were setting up and I was allowed to start pushing with the contractions. I tried squatting, but it was too hard for Jen to see, so I went back to my back. Thinking about this now, I think it made it harder. What an unnatural position to be in. They had me on my back, but pull my knees in to my chest and tuck my chin to my chest, curving my back like a C. So I was pushing Wade UP towards the ceiling. I think that was completely working against gravity and making more work for me. This is silly! I also tried putting my arms around a neck of 2 people on either side of me and pushing down for a while, but ultimately went back to the C curve position. Mom and Earl switched on my left and Perris stayed on my right.

Throughout this 1.5-2 hours of pushing, Mom and Lyndsey fanned me and wet my face with the washcloth--I was so hot. I would lay back in between each contraction and just try to breathe. I remember holding Mom's hand or Lyndsey's hand on my left and Perris' on my right. I was so glad to have them there with me. Towards the end they put oxygen mask on me, saying "This is for baby". I didn't feel panicked at all throughout this, just eager to GET 'ER DONE and get this baby OUT. They were very calm, but Mom caught on quick that they were quite worried about Wade. He had been in that birth canal for a long time and I guess wasn't doing well per the monitor.

Each push they would say "OH GOOD JOB! That's it....Great. Just like that!" Very encouraging. Finally after a while of this I thought "if I'm doing so good, I should be close to having him out." So I asked, "Is he going to come out with this one?" "No, honey, not this one." Darn it. In my mind I just kept thinking "as hard as you can, let's get him out!" At one point they showed me the mirror and I saw my area BULGING. I thought "oh wow, how on earth does he get through there?" All this time Jen was helping massage me to help me not tear. Finally as he was crowning she kept sticking her fingers inside to see where his head was placed. In the last push she helped yank him out and I just tore. Mom watched and told me. They just needed to get him out and were that concerned.

They immediately placed him on my tummy and I held him there and thought Oh he is so warm! This is my baby! Then the "thanks for coming out" comments began. They took him right away because he was breathing so rapidly, they wanted to make sure he was alright. As they weighed him and checked him in the corner, Lynds and Perris stayed with me and held my legs...I just couldn't hold them up anymore...as Jen stitched me. I hadn't realized until then that I tore. Perris was so sweet throughout, gently and sweetly encouraging me. How I love him.

After being stitched it's still a whirlwind, but they took Wade to the nursery and Perris followed. Jen came and said goodbye and told me I had done a great job. I thanked her sincerely for everything, she was really great. Mom and Lynds were at my beck and call and got me water, blankets, rubbed my legs...I was freezing and shaking, probably a bit of shock, and I just wanted to sleep. It was so hard to sleep...that was the most intense experience my body had ever been through, and it was having a hard time settling down. 5:30 a knock on the door and in rolls our Wade. They handed him to me and this is where I got to have a good look at him.

We love our Wade!!

(more pictures to come--don't have a camera card adapter, its in the mail. I will put up a bunch when that comes)