Highway Man

Well I figured i had better document this experience before it gets to be too long. On March fifth I wrote the following in an email to my family:

Now i would like to express the feelings of my heart concerning Chris Cudd. For those of you who don't know Chris is my cousin in the Kusilek side. Early this morning he took his own life leaving his wife and daughter and the rest of the family to mourn the loss. I have learned a lot about family in the past few years and i would like to share my feelings. When I got home from my mission I was amazed to find how much love i felt for my family. It is hard to explain what i mean but there was a change/transition in my status in the family. When I left i was a cousin, nephew, son, grandson, etc, but when I came back I felt more like a peer and a friend. I didn't find it weird or awkward to say ask my mom on a date and go down town to see the lights, or to just hang out with my dad like one of the dudes. I enjoyed watching tv with grandma and grandpa more than i did with my friends. These things seemed kind of foreign to me at first but I can see now that that is what family's are for. Talking to Grandma Kusilek earlier she said that she contacted all the kids and they were all coming over to be together. These aren't little kids. They are children that have grown up to be friends that can enjoy each other's company. I talked to my dad and he said that they were just going to spend the rest of the day together doing family stuff, probably playing cards! As a kid I saw you all as big grownups, adults. Now I can see my own strengths and weaknesses, and can also see the strengths and weaknesses of others. This knowledge makes me feel so much love for you all. Knowing that we can all depend on each other and sacrifice for each other and, especially at this time, mourn with each other. I am sad that we have to be so far away from some of you, but my true hearts desire is for all of us to be together some day. Who else would I want to spend eternity together with more than my family. Ali is my wife and I am her husband and she has my whole heart and we are one, but for those of you who are a mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, or in-law know that you are our best friends and you have the whole of both of our hearts. i hope that through life experiences like these we can all grow closer together and closer to God.

I was able to go home for the funeral and there they played the song Highwayman, sung by all the old legends. The song talks about living on after death and has always been one of my favorites and still is, but now has a little different meaning to me. If you have never heard it, go ahead and listen its great. At home I also gained a greater understanding of the importance of family and family love. I am grateful for my wife and the family that I have. I love her and them.